Whistling in the Dark

I just watched the old Red Skelton movie Whistling in the Dark. I just wanted to tell you a bit of trivia about it. Ann Rutherford, the actress who plays his girlfriend, started getting chest pains during the making of the movie. At first they thought she had pneumonia, but as the pain spread and continued to worsen they began to suspect pleurisy. When the filming was over her mother took her to a doctor who diagnosed... pulled muscles on both sides of her rib cage from laughing so hard at Red Skelton.

The movie was fun but not nearly as funny as the gag he used to do about trying to fit in his wife's girdle. I didn't pull a muscle but I laughed so hard I thought I couldn't talk for 10 minutes.

A really good day.

Just so you guys know I can do more than moan and whine, I wanted to say that today was a really good day. Yesterday Scott took Zoe and Quinn to his mom's house and they stayed the weekend. Zaven and Caly stayed with me to try to get the house back into livable order. We're always messy, but lately it's like the before houses from one of those reality cleaning intervention shows. Scary dirty. It still is. But we got a lot done.

So yesterday we cleaned (and sewed) all day. We'd made Zoe a pillow and blanket to take to kindergarten for nap time, but we found out that she was the only one who had one. Zoe is obnoxious enough without looking like she's getting special treatment. So we make one for every kid in her class. I just used old sheets that I bought at a second hand store but they came out really nice.

Today we did some cleaning, but not as much nor as frantically. And we took a big long break in the middle of the day to meet my parents. My mom and I went to see Inglorious Basterds and my dad and the kids walked around the mall and hung out and went to the book store. The movie was great. Violent, of course, but not as much as I feared and very compelling and funny too. Tarentino has a gift.

When the movie was over I took the kids out to Long John's to eat and we talked and joked and just hung out for a while. Then we headed to the store to quickly pick up a few things and then home. We folded all the laundry we'd washed while I watched a movie and they watched some shows online. It was just a really nice day.

Who does that?

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in my parked car reading a magazine and talking to Zoe and Quinn when a woman rear-ended us. It wasn't a bad wreck. Really, as wrecks go this was almost nonexistant. No one was hurt and there was no damage to either her car or mine. She didn't even scuff the bummer visibly. It was just loud and shook our car. Only get this: I was parked in front of the school waiting for my kids to be let out! Who the hell drives into another car when there are children walking into the traffic flow? This happened right in front of the principal and a bunch of teachers. Admittedly, almost all of the elementary kids had been picked up. I think there were two left. But still!

The way our school works, Zoe and the other kindergarteners come out the back door about 10 minutes before the elementary students come out the front door. The middle school and high school kids come out a half hour after that. Remember, this school is for preschool through 12th grade. They have to stagger the release times because they can't bus the younger kids with the older ones. So when I pick up Zoe, I usually run a quick errand like getting gas or maybe take her to the playground for a short break, then I drive back and pick up Zaven and Caly. Only yesterday I was really feeling bad because of my allergies. I didn't feel up to running errands and I knew better than to go to a park filled with pollen. So I decided to just wait for the elementary school traffic to leave and then park in front of the building where Zaven and Caly would be coming out.

I pulled in and parked, rolled down the windows and said Hi to the elementary school principal. He and a few teachers were waiting with the last few elementary students whose parents are running late. I told him I could move if he needed but he said that I was fine and that the parents had plenty of room to drive around me. I started reading while Zoe was telling Quinn all about her day. (She doesn't care that he doesn't understand. She just has to tell him anyway. ) Then BAM! This woman just drives right into us. Zoe yelled at me, "What did you do to our car?!" The principal comes over to make sure we're alright. We are. And I got out to check for damage. There was none.

But seriously, if she had hit a kid instead of a parked car they would have been hurt so bad. Who drives through a school parking lot at pick up time and doesn't look where they're going or pay attention to how fast they're driving?

El Awrenz! El Awrenz!

I had such a treat last night. The Kentucky Theatre in Lexington was showing Lawrence of Arabia on the big screen last night and Scott and I went. I love that movie and last night was my first time seeing it in a real theatre. I was blown away. It's truly a different movie. For one, it's a lot easier to follow. There are a lot of scences set at night which are much more visible, plus it's easier to tell who's doing or saying things. Pretty much everyone in the movie is either in identical uniforms or identical robes so being able to see their faces makes a big difference. But really, the desert was the biggest difference. On the big screen, the desert is alive and is one of the characters.

Drinking

Quinn is interested in drinking from cups now, rather than just sippy cups. The problem is that he sucks at it. He's really funny to watch drink. When he first learned to drink from a straw (over a year ago) he would get a big mouthful of juice, then chew it just like it was food before he swallowed. He ALWAYS chewed, and half the time he chewed with his mouth open so it just ran down his chin. We tried to convince him that he didn't need to... and the first time he tried to swallow without chewing he started to cough and choke. He was fine but it was just so silly. It was another week before he would try it again and even longer before he really started to consistantly drink without chewing.

Now that he's trying to use a cup he's doing that kind of odd, too. He puts it to his mouth, sticks his tounge into the juice, then tips the cup up until some pours into his mouth. He doesn't make any suction at all, he just pours some in. It's messy. Plus he pours in a huge mouthful so he has to swallow more than what's comfortable for him. Then of course he belches hugely.

Southpaw

Zoe has settled into kindergarten nicely and that's a relief. She seems to love her teachers and be doing her best to follow the rules and behave well. She comes home each day with new songs and stories, new letters she recognizes and numbers that she can now write. I'm very excited for her. I love learning and it's a good feeling to know that she'll have that joy in her life.

We are also starting to suspect that she's left handed. Caly was testing her last night discreetly, asking her to copy shapes that Caly drew. She did much better with her left hand. You may be wondering why we didn't notice before now. One was that all our kids experimented with both hands. I made a point of not ever telling them which hand to use and letting them take the lead. So sometimes they use one, sometimes the other. Zaven was strongly left handed before his cataract surgery. Afterwards he was right handed. That makes sense because he was blind in his right eye before the surgery. That affected his use of his limbs via hand-eye coordination. Caly was always strongly right handed. Zoe just switched around a lot, plus her favorite activities don't involve using fine motor skills. She runs, yells, jumps, yells, climbs, yells, fingerpaints (with both hands), yells, chases the cats, yells.... It's kind of hard to notice which hand she writes with when she never holds still long enough to write.

He approves.

I had a big long post about all that I've been up to that kept me from posting. But that was boring and besides, my boy was cute today. I had shopping to do today since most of Quinn's clothes have disappeared. Maybe they're in the mountain of dirty laundry in the kitchen floor (since he loves to take them out of his dresser and put them in the dirty laundry without even bothering to wear them). And maybe they're at Grandmas's (who's been known to hoard a few of the nicer outfits so that they'll be handy when she wants to show off a grandbaby). And maybe they've simply been thrown away in the trash (because Scott bagged up a bunch of dirty laundry in a trash bag... on trash day!). Whatever the reason, we're down to a few ill-fitting shorts and some ugly t-shirts. So I went shopping today.

Quinn and Scott ran an errand after dropping me off, and when I got back in the car I had a few cute outfits for him in a bag. I was talking to Scott and looked back at Quinn... and he'd taken the shoulder straps off in his car seat, reached forward and snagged the cutest shirt out of the bag, stripped off his shirt, tore the pricetag off the new one, and was wriggling into it. Before I could say a word he had it on and was slipping back into the shoulder straps and clipping the top buckle back together. I have to admit, he looked good. And he knew it.

The letter home.

This week's kindergarten class newsletter includes a reminder that children who plan to eat breakfast at school need to arrive by 7:15. 7:15? Good lord! It turns out that school starts 20 minutes earlier than we thought it did. Not only that but when Scott asked at school more than one person told him it started at 8, which would mean breakfast at 7:30. Oh well. At least now I know.

Shouldn't this be written down somewhere?

Today was Zoe's first day of school. Scott did the dropping off and picking up since I have a cold. She slept last night in Caly's room and I drugged everyone with benadryl because they were all excited and used to staying up late and sleeping in. Caly was so eager to see all her friends again that she woke up at 5:30 this morning. Zoe woke up at 6:30 and they got themselves ready. Why so early? Because we don't know when school starts. Our district has a habit of changing the start times every year. Every single year. But our letters from the school about school supplies and class schedules and such did NOT include the daily schedule. That's right. They didn't tell us when to be there. I didn't worry about it and just figured I'd check the website. But it's not on the website. And not only that but when Scott came homw from dropping her off, he told me that the people he'd asked weren't sure. Who had he asked? The teachers, the principal, and the office staff. And that huge packet of paperwork they sent home? Not in there either. There was a letter about how much trouble we'll be in if she's tardy. But no mention of what time she would be considered tardy. I still don't know. I know it's sometime around 8. Last year it was 7:40. But the year before it was 7:50 and one year it was 8:20. I think I'll just have to make sure she's there by 7:30 and hope they figure it out and let me know.

Meanwhile, she's still not home. She's out of school, but Zaven and Caly aren't out yet. They start an hour later (or roundabouts that... I don't know their start time either) and get out an hour later. Their school is actually in the same building as hers. It's a really neat school. It was built in the 1960's by hippie architects. It's got circular buildings and looks just like a giant spaceship. It also has all the grades in one building. That means Zoe is in the same school building as Zaven and Caly. A year from now, Quinn will start preschool, Zoe 1st grade, Caly will be a high school freshman, and Zaven will be a senior... all in the same building. When Zaven and Caly started there they still didn't have walls between the classrooms, just dividers. Like I said, hippie architects.

Errands

Today and tomorrow are errand days. I have half a million small errands this week, but half are in one town and half are in the next. I don't know why I end up running so many errands, but I do. I always do. And school starts this week, so there are things that must be done for that, too.

Zoe starts kindergarten and it's a full school day. I can't make up my mind about it. I'm looking forward to it in a way because she's a high energy kid and that will let her burn off a lot of steam at school. But I'm also nervous because that means a ton of small things, like just how much trouble can she get into before it gets serious. And what the heck is Quinn going to do all day? And because Zaven and Caly are in middle and high schools, they still will get out at a different time. Sigh... we'll work it out.

Wish me luck. Or rather, wish that her teachers have a lot of patience.

This is not how I feel. It's just funny.

CONGRESS VOTES TO OUTSOURCE PRESIDENCY

Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
Washington, DC -- July 23, 2009

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.

The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also record deficit expenditures and related overhead that the office has incurred during the last decade.

It is anticipated that $27 billion can be saved by the end of the President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge," stated an un-named Congressman. "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of budget shortfalls."

Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the U.S. and India, he will be working primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as our previous president seems to have not been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush had used them successfully for years with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."

Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $415 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new position due to the poor economy. A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama's extensive experience at shaking hands and his enthusiastic smile.

-----author unknown

The zoo, the science museum, and Michael Phelps

Sorry not to write for so long. We went out of town for a few days to pick up Caly from her trip to Alabama. We stopped at the zoo on the way there and got to actually see a few more of the animals this trip. We also went to the Northwest Georgia Science Museum, which I enjoyed very much. I don't have zoo pictures, since we left the camera in the car, but I do have some great pictures from the museum.

































And what does Michael Phelps have to do with any of this? Nothing, except that during the drive I read a magazine article about the safety of public pools. It was focused on the risks of contaminated water and it said, "Even Michael Phelps admitted to having urinated in a pool during an interview." Which could mean that he admitted it during an interview, or that he was interviewed in a pool and peeed during the interview. And when we picked Caly up, she told us that while they were watching TV they'd left the subtitles on because her cousin had an ear infection. And the subway commercial with Michael Phelps has the funniest subtitles. Apparently Sly and the Family Stone are singing, "I justwana thank U firlettinme be mice elf agin."