Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The way of things

Well, it's been almost a month since I posted anything at all and I'm sorry about that. My computer has basically died and I'm doing much of my web activity from my phone. I can read blogs, but I don't have the patience to post from those tiny little keys. Hopefully, I'll have the funds to fix my computer soon (within the next week I'm thinking) and I'll be able to be a bit more active again.

Over the last month, a lot has happened. It's almost too much to fit into words, but I'll do my best.

First off, I suppose I should update you on my friend Rebecca, since the last two posts I made had to do with the death of her son Toby. I've been spending a lot of time with her lately, both because I want to be a good friend and because she's actually one of the people I most enjoy being with, even when things are bad. But yeah... things have been real bad. Within three weeks of Toby's death, Rebecca's father had a heart attack (he survived and is doing well), her mother-in-law in England died from cancer, and her father-in-law and some of her husband's friends and family began sending Rebecca and her husband nasty texts, e-mails, and facebook messages. Nasty is an understatement. Viscious is probably more accurate. I wish I could fathom why, but since I can imagine no circumstance in which I would send my children any of those messages I am at a loss to explain it. But more important than explaining the reason for those messages is explaining the results of them. My friend is falling apart. She is feeling suicidal. She has started hurting herself. Her husband is also on the verge of falling apart. He's lost a child, a mother, a father, and most of his childhood friends, all in the same month. I cannot imagine how I could deal with that.

I keep trying to think of ways to help. She is looking into counseling and I think that's a good step. Meanwhile, I try to go see her often and I sometimes spend the night at her house. I wish I could do more.

On other fronts, I seem to have adopted another son. His name is John and he's 17. My older kids have known John for a few years, though I only met him over the summer. But just before my computer died John started chatting with me regularly on Facebook and talking to me some about his life. He's had a rough start to life, although by all accounts things are far better than they used to be. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but I decided to keep him. I know people get attached to their kid's friends and joke around that they've adopted them, but this is far more like an actual adoption than that. He spends most days here, most weekends here, takes his showers here, has chores here, and keeps clothes here. He's being introduced to extended family as the opportunity arises, and they're all treating him the same as they treat my other kids. My sister wants to know his clothing sizes so she can buy things for him. I've already gotten some of his Christmas presents.

John's mom seems to be okay with our taking over his life. I make sure to never bring him home late and to show her as much respect as possible. I think she's overwhelmed so maybe this is a bit of a relief. But I'm not sure how it'll play out in the long run.

As to the rest of my family, things seem to be going well. The kids are loving school and seem to be doing well for the most part. Well, Quinn is having trouble adjusting. His teacher is worried about him and I suspect she's going to want to have him tested for behavioral issues. But in my gut, I don't think that the problems she sees are the result of actual medical issues. He's never once in his life been in a daycare or had to follow a schedule or been told that now is when we eat and now is when we go to the bathroom and now is when we draw. He's always been able to decide all those things for himself and just do what he wants to do. Plus he's never been around other kids his age. So this is all new, and not in a good way. But in the course of the week and a half that he's actually been in classes, he's gone from screaming and crying and fighting against going to waking up and asking if he can go to school. And while I know he's still not following the rules, listening to the teachers, etc., I think he's gotten to the point where he wants to be a part of that. Maybe he does have behavioral issues. But I think the root of the current problem has more to do with the adjustment than his teacher understands. So we'll wait and see.

The other kids are doing fabulously well. Zoe had new friends, a new boyfriend, and seems to love school. Zaven and Caly have been spending all their time goofing off with friends, talking on the phone, and soaking up every last bit of fun that high school has to offer. I honestly don't think that either one of them could be happier. Well, maybe if they were to fall in love... but short of that, no.

Scott has been very, very busy. I don't talk about him much here, but that's mostly because he's kind of a private person and I don't want to take over and tell his stories for him. But this week has been a good week for him and that's making me happy. We're getting along really well. We always have, but I've learned not to take that for granted. One funny thing has been his relationship with John. I didn't really ask Scott if it was okay to adopt John. It just sort of happened. And when it did, I worried that Scott and John might have a rough time. John's late father was not a nice man and I figured that John might have a hard time having a dad around. Then the other day I saw John and another family friend arguing about who Scott liked more. Scott for his part seems to also like John. His only complaint is that he can't walk around the house in his underwear anymore. I think I can live with that.

1 comment:

Tara said...

Good for John! He's lucky to have you.

I am so sorry for your friend, I can't even fathom what she must be going through. I'm glad she has a friend like you and hope she finds the help and comfort she needs right now.